Italian Pretzel with beer cheese!

Well slap my ass and call me a salty dog! I made a pretzel and dipped it thangs!  Here’s the story:

I was alone, reluctantly carrying the gazillion grocery bags in from the desert wasteland we call my driveway in texas. The bags were cheap, probably recycled beyond usable standards. The door was soooo far away…. then a bag broke… I caught it… whew!  Then, I heard a POP!  I felt a doughy sticky limp coldness in the bottom of my last bag. “I wasn’t planning on making bread tonight”  I yelled to myself.  Fuck it, I plopped it on a pan and made a pretzel shape.  Alas, the dough kept shrinking like a chocolate starfish out of water. So I improvised! I stuck some oven safe bowls in the holes to keep the shape. Voila.. built in dipping bowls!  I sprinkled it with thyme, garlic butter, parmesan & my new artisan balsamic salt (I finally have a good selection of artisan infused salts) see here: Artisan salts ROCKIt was the perfect appetizer to my grilled butterfly pork chop and home made beet risotto! I love beet risotto, too bad the first mate hates beets… oh well, more for the Captain! Huzzah!

Now you can’t rightly eat a pretzel without a dip. I love dips… sauces.. hot sauces… anything saucy and creamy. Check out my hot sauce group on Facebook here: DO YOU EVEN SAUCE BRO So here are my instructions and dip recipes. Don’t laugh at how simple this all is….. some people need simple so I’m giving them this. Eat it.

…..in-greed-ients

• 1 can Italian bread dough
• spray garlic oil or garlic butter melted
• balsamic salt (Himalayan will do)
• thyme
• 1/4 cup parmesan shredded

• 1 can of nacho cheese soup
• 1 dark beer (I like Leinenkugel -Big Butt Doppelbock)
• 1 small jar of pizza sauce
• 1 whole clove garlic

……..yeasty magic:

1. spray a foil lined cookie sheet
2. Take out dough snake. Plop it down and make a pretzel
3. stick some of those small oven safe bowls (for salsa and queso or small ramekins) in the holes.
4. baste it with butter / oil spray
5. seasoning and thyme
6. surround pretzel with raw garlic cloves (coated in butter / oil as well)
7. bake for 25 min @350
8. take out with 5 min to spare (take off garlic) sprinkle parm and broil for last 4 min.

……. the dippy magic:

1. open can of NACHO cheese soup  pour into a sauce pan
2. add half beer… stir and simmer
3. pour cheese into pretzel bowl
4. heat up pizza sauce same way and pour into the second bowl
5. put garlic in third bowl. Roasted garlic is soooo good for you, it helps aid against cancer, cold sores, food poisoning, UTI’s, scurvy..ect… see here: Garlic is awesome

So, now you have a quick easy appetizer to grub whilst you wait for the grill to heat up. Happy feasting!  Drink up me hearties YOHO! Here is some weird shit.